And before a lot of print gets too judgmental, tell me someone who hasn’t watched my greatest scoop of the 20th century? I made Woodward and Bernstein look like a few school magazine doodlers.

You must know that Diana was ready to sing like a canary? That little red-haired nuisance that Witchell had been looking for for yonks. And so was Oprah. All I did was screw her up a bit, hinting that MI5 was bothering her, that the staff were selling secrets to News of the World and Charles and the nanny were playing at Mary Poppins and Bert’s house, late at night at the palace.

Regarding the first investigation, didn’t BBC boss Tony Hall accept my argument that those fake bank statements were just ‘charts’ – and accepted my explanation perfectly plausible that I had no plausible explanation for making them up in the first place?

Diana herself did not exonerate me when she wrote that she was already aware of the plots and schemes against her before the interview, thanks to me for preparing her brother?

Yes, later on she might have thought about what I could and couldn’t do and would call me “the Poison Dwarf”, but remember; she listened to psychics more often than Wham! records. It may have been royal courtiers who claimed MI5 was spying on him. It might not have been me at all.

And do I remind Herald readers that during my brilliant interview, of which I am extremely proud, there were three of us in this room; Diana, me – and my conscience. And my conscience told me to seriously think about getting a new costume for the Bafta party.

As for Prince Harry’s claim that the lies I fed his mother created ripples that led to his death in a Paris tunnel? Absolutely not. All I did was fuel her rampant paranoia, separate her from confidants and protectors like Patrick Jephson, and turn the palace schism into a Grand Canyon-like sinkhole.

But let’s not dwell on the past, or even talk about my TV suspension in the United States for sexism, except to say that I have moved on to a sparkling career and another legendary interview, with Michael Jackson.

Yes, again there were allegations that I had made false statements in order to secure the interview. But didn’t Jacko deserve what he got? Wasn’t Ebony and Ivory a musical crime from which humanity has never recovered?

As a recent BBC religious editor, I know my sins are venial. So let those who have no sin cast the first stone. Who among us hasn’t faked a few fake bank statements to seduce the most famous woman in the world?