Dear Annie | News, Sports, Jobs

Annie Lane, syndicated columnist

Dear Annie: My boyfriend and I don’t really watch our spending, but we try to make it look pretty even by swapping who pays for the different expenses: groceries, dates, travel expenses, etc. We both have good jobs, and we earn about the same amount of money.

Recently, however, we sat down to review our monthly finances and budgets. When I did the math, I discovered that I had paid way more than him.

When I told him that, he just shrugged. I asked him, “What should we do about it?” and he just answered, “I don’t know, what do you want to do?” I don’t want him to feel obligated to pay for everything, and I don’t want to have to split every small expense in half, but it’s more uneven than I’m comfortable with. What can I do? — Super spender

Dear super spender: It’s easy for your finances to slip away when you don’t follow them. Congratulations on taking control of your spending – better late than never! Now is the time to take it a step further: create a budget and stick to it.

Since you and your boyfriend have separate bank accounts, it makes sense to have two separate budgets. Make sure you’re both comfortable with the budgets you create. There are useful and easy-to-use apps like Mint and Copilot that let you check your budget throughout the month to make sure you’re staying on track. Good luck!

Dear Annie: I just moved to a new town where I don’t know anyone. I try to make friends, but it’s hard as an adult. I joined an adult soccer team and started volunteering. I don’t feel like I’m clicking with anyone.

There’s a person I already know who lives in this town — a guy named “Mike.” The only problem is that Mike is my best friend’s ex-boyfriend. “Emma.” They had a messy breakup and no longer speak to each other. Each time it is brought up, Emma changes the subject. Honestly, though, I’ve always gotten on great with Mike, and always (secretly) thought the reason for their breakup was a bit silly. I want to reach out to her, but I don’t think I could tell Emma if I did, which would make me feel guilty. What do I do?! — Lost and lonely

Dear Lost and Lonely Ones: Lying to your loved ones and feeling lingering feelings of guilt are two telltale signs that you’re probably making the wrong decision.

Emma is clearly triggered by the breakup. It seems your bond with her is more powerful than your attraction to him – and why jeopardize a better friendship for someone you only do? “got along well” with in the past? There are many fish in the sea; keep trying.

Editor’s note: “How can I forgive my cheating partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology – featuring her favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation – is available in paperback and e-book form. Visit for more information. Send your questions for Annie Lane to

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